1999-02-28-Relationships

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Topic: Relationships

Group: N. Texas TeaM

Facilitators

Teacher: Welmek, Anastacia

TR: Unknown

Session

Opening

The meeting opened with a meditation session accompanied on piano by Mark Austin.

WELMEK: Good afternoon my beloved friends, this is Welmek. Once more I am pleased to be among you. We are indeed family, and at some family gatherings not all members make it. The reduced numbers today are no concern of mine, for those who were unable to come are here with us in spirit.

Lesson

I would ask you today to think over those relationships in which you have difficulty. I was present during your conversation earlier. It is one of the greatest difficulties that mortals face, and it is particularly troubling to those who seek to love each and every person as an individual, to find that while they can have a generally loving attitude toward all of mankind, there are individuals with whom they have more difficulty with this.

I will say, that these difficulties will persist throughout your universe career. You have been informed that socializing activities are a part of the program throughout your entire career in the local universe. In your adjustment to others, you have been given advice. Your textbook recommends that you learn to understand your brother and therefore you will find it much easier to love him.

This is only part of it. It is difficult to truly understand another individual, and I see so many of you become discouraged in your efforts to be successful in mending fences with some people. I would say do not expect perfection in this. Take it one step at a time, one day at a time. If each day you can have a positive thought about an individual with whom you are having difficulty, just one, think about it and send your blessing to that person. Pray for that individual. Remember that the Father values them as much as he does you, and that there is a purpose for that personality expression to be in the universe.

When you truly look at another individual you will find that they are successful in their life, perhaps in a different way than you would choose to be. But nevertheless, they are fulfilling the will of the Father in their way. Do not become overly discouraged when you fail to be perfect in aligning yourself with love for this individual. Another exercise you might do is to visualize the Father's love coming through you and being sent to that individual. You yourself may be finding it difficult to love that individual, so let the Father do it for you. Do this as a daily exercise, and you will be surprised at the results.

My dear brothers and sisters, we all struggle with this, even now; for there are simply some personality types with whom we achieve greater rapport than others. I have given you a couple of exercises that we use, and I know each of you personally well enough to know that your motivations are pure and that with patience you will achieve a better degree of appreciation of these individuals. Always approach them with love, and then you will feel that you have fulfilled your purpose.

I turn this now over to another associate.

ANASTACIA: Good afternoon, this is Anastacia, and once again I am happy to be here. I have been almost eavesdropping on a way on Summer’s thought as she processed what Welmek was teaching or sharing with you, and it is perhaps quite a large plate for each of us to deal with at times. For as Welmek said, it is oftentimes a compatibility or a difficulty not in loving in the true sense of the word, but in understanding or coordinating a subject that perhaps it would be good for all of us to look at in the coming weeks, not only in our personal experiences but also to expand that into a larger framework within the community and planet as a whole, and to see why from that aspect there is often so much strife and discordance.

Again, the discussion regarding the problems that you all face and that you see in the world are often, many times, caused by this lack of understanding or compatibility. The very fact that each of God’s creatures is so separate and so individualistic, even being joined as brothers and sisters in spirit, the personalities and experiences and cultures have developed so divergently that it causes a great deal of separation. It is very difficult to eliminate or ignore the differences at this point in the planet’s development. It is what will in time come but at this stage we are still dealing with more diversity than unity.

In each of your hearts this causes a great deal of anguish at times, but even in your own personal experiences you can see that you separate yourself from your brother or sister without wanting to or meaning to. So this can show you why there is so much difficulty and perhaps, also, look at what you can do to change this, how you can change yourself or your thinking, your insights or approach to your relationships and also to just narrow your thinking process to see how you can do this in a positive way, perhaps a way you hadn’t thought of before. This will make a shift and help in whatever way you can.

We are all learning and growing and continue to learn and grow, and only through these issues or observances with discomfort do we have the impetus to take a look. And when you take a look at yourself or your thinking, this is growth, this is progress. Be patient with yourself. Do not expect yourself to be that all-loving, all-wise, all-knowing Buddha or perfect holy person, because you are not, and it is not where or who you are or what you will ever achieve on this planet.

Look at yourself as a child of God learning and struggling with issues that even your father-brother Michael struggled with in dealing with the many, many people that he met when he was here on the planet. He does understand you and he does know what you are dealing with. He has dealt with these issues. He experienced every emotion and feeling and far more than you are going through, perhaps, or ever will; so that his understanding and his compassion and also his wisdom is there for you. In his examples and in his thinking, which you can avail yourself of in the Urantia Book, but also in talking with each other.

Look for answers, look for better ways, look for expressions that you haven’t tried before or thought of. It's very helpful to share, being honest with what you’ coming from and what you’ struggling with and for those listening to listen. This is the struggle, to try to understand each other and to feel and experience what the other is doing. By pushing yourself, by reaching, you grow yourself a little bit. You may never really understand but you can have more compassion or more willingness for the other person.

Are there any questions or anything that you’d like to discuss?

Dialogue

M: I’ll transmit.

TEACHER: It’s been said that a pause when in conflict or in catching oneself on a path of thought that is oppositional to one’s growth can be very effective. We, on our side, stand in waiting many times as the stream of thoughts rush through your mind without being able to influence in this way. Pause can be very helpful. This is Jon Joa, and it is with peace and even reverence that we join you in helpfulness.

It is seemingly difficult, yet oftentimes overlooked, that you are the the pilot of your ship. In (languaging ?) yourself into ways of thinking, you sometimes shoot yourself in the foot as you walk out the door. Often we are, I say we as I too ascended through similar portals of human struggle, find and help;..even in the midst of dire circumstances, we have the ability, help and opportunity to choose another way should we simply pause and ask for what is already there. As we think, so shall we be; and so mind is truly the arena of choice. In balance, one sees peace. Yet off-balance, the same one sees conflict. In this way, the daily routines and habits of thinking truly sets our course. Finding a healthy balance we find ourselves filled with love, and the steering is easy. There is much wind. You provide the direction. It is your choice.

S: Welmek, I have a question. I have been thinking about dealing with someone that does not have the qualities that you admire or relate to or what-have-you. J said earlier "What do you find lovable?" or L said that I think. I’ve been thinking about that, and how do you, it’s discipline, I guess, I’m answering my own question, do you just concentrate on one thing that perhaps you can find admirable? Given our minds and given our intelligences and how they work, it’s almost (helpI) don’t want to say impossible, but unrealistic, to think you’ not going to think all these things. But now I’m thinking to myself, well, but you can discipline yourself to eliminate the negative and maybe that’s the drill or the practice is to just keep going back, just like meditation, just keep going back to the positive. If that’s all you have, deal with one.

Is it unrealistic to pretend those other things aren’t there? Obviously it doesn’t serve a purpose. I mean I’m answering my own questions, not serving a purpose to concentrate on the negative. So is that the way to go? Is it then changed? Will you eventually stop seeing those negatives? Of course, it’s my choice of making them positive or negative. I get that right away. If I see them as negative it’s because of my opinion on whether they’ negative or not. This can get pretty complicated. (laughter)

WELMEK: Let me make some suggestions here. First of all, this is not realistic to deny the existence of these feelings. They have plagued you for some time; and as the Master pointed out, you cannot superimpose by force the positive on the negative. But there are ways to finesse the positive from the negative. I think that might be the term you would use.

I’ll give you an example. One thing you might do, actually this is an exercise, . .talk to those, several people perhaps, who do not find this person as negative as you do. Ask them what they find is positive. What are they finding to love? Whether or not you will find that quality is entirely up to you and depends on your own personality. But generally speaking, even people an individual is having difficulty with are loved by others. They find something admirable and perhaps it’s something you have never noticed before or looked at from a different perspective.

Remember too, that even if you have difficulty finding something specific that you can be positive about, view the person over-all as having a function, a role, to be who they are. Look at their immediate associates. How do they serve them? How do they help; what contribution does that individual make to those people around them that find them lovable? As it has been pointed out, it’s all a matter of perspective.

Do not feel guilty if you never see the positive nature of some of these things. But I guarantee that when you have another viewpoint of this individual and these particular character traits, you will be coming closer to the truth of the matter. When you rely only on your own perception of a given situation, it will always be (?) ;what would be your term for it?; you see it with one eye. When you view this individual and these characteristics through the eyes of another, you have bifocal vision; and you get a truer perspective of the depth of that person.

But do not try to force yourself to stomp on the negativity. Instead, find small positive things, one at a time, which replace eventually and crowd out at least some of those negative attitudes. Does this help?

Note

At this point, the conversation became more personal and the group agreed not to publish it.