2011-01-26-Conversations with Monjoronson 27
Topic: Golden Rule
Group: N. Colorado TeaM
TR: Daniel Raphael
- Moderator: Vicki Vanderheyden
Vicki: Dear Father, we humbly ask that you encircuit us with your love in ways that allow us to receive what we need at this time, from the wisdom of your Son, Monjoronson. May all who read these words find ways to express your will in their daily lives, and in turn, draw us closer to living the message of Christ Michael in our service to you and our fellow man. May we extend our gratitude to all those unseen helpers, who with great effort, assist us in this process. Amen
Daniel: Let us surround ourselves with God’s Light. We invoke the presence of God with us.
MONJORONSON: Good morning, this is Monjoronson. (Good Morning!) I am pleased to be here with you, and glad to enfold you in this Light of our Father, and appreciate and enjoy that which we share in common. You have asked for this session, and I am here. How can I be of assistance to you?
Vicki: Well first, is there anything you wish to speak to us before we begin?
MONJORONSON: There are many things, but we can weave them in as we go.
Vicki: Okay. Today I thought that we would follow through on some topics related to comments that you made in our last session, one being your request to further discuss “The Golden Rule,” so if it’s all right with you, I’d like to begin with that one.
MONJORONSON: Certainly. Do you have a specific question, or do you just ask me to expound on that?
Vicki: I have two main questions; let me begin with this: In our last session, when we were discussing the inconsistencies in our ability to apply our morality and ethics to our life situations, both on an individual and on a social level, you mentioned that because many of us do not have an individual connection with the Divine, we lack in our understanding of the higher levels of the Golden Rule. And so my first question Monjoronson, is, what do we need to understand about the higher levels of the Golden Rule?
- The higher levels of the Golden Rule
MONJORONSON: The fundamental element of spiritual growth, using the Golden Rule, is to use your own personal growth in service to others, and particularly to yourself, as you serve others. The Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have them to do unto you,” is a standard rule of social and moral ethics that was in place long before Jesus appeared on the earth. It was a revealed standard that came to the Hebrews, and it came to other cultures as well, though it is not as well recorded.
The higher value of this rule is that you see others and their behaviors as an opportunity of service. Most of you see the Golden Rule as something to avoid problems, as minimum service, whereas in the evolved personality, you see the Golden Rule as an opportunity of immense and infinitely enlarged service to others. “Do unto others”—that would mean to serve others—does not speak strictly to avoiding hurting others, but a movement away from that into serving others. It is very similar to the higher value of forgiveness. You forgive the other, not because of them, but because of the higher elevated sense of being that you assume in forgiveness. It is a challenge to you to rise to the higher standard.
The Golden Rule and this state of forgiveness are equally linked; you see the other individual as one, your nemesis, and the antonym, of which is your savior. They are your saviors because their presence, their behavior, allows you an opportunity to grow into a higher state of being. It is not a state of condescension, of looking down upon others from an elevated point of view, for that is simply your ego again, in play. The higher motivation of doing unto others as you would have them do unto you, offers you an opportunity to grow into your higher spiritual self. You see each instance of injury to you by others as an opportunity to forgive; it is an opportunity to see that what they did has hurt your feelings. If they have hurt your feelings, then it is truly not they, who have done so, but your reaction to what they did. So, you attain the level of maturity where you no longer react to what they are saying; you instead, act in your highest good and in the highest good of theirs as well.
Vicki: I did some research, Monjoronson, knowing that we were going to talk about the Golden Rule, and some say this is a universal standard, by which all human behavior is to be judged. Would you agree with that?
Vicki: Yet I discovered that though every major religion seems to have it’s own version of the Golden Rule, that there is quite a bit of variation in their emphasis. For instance, the Native American spirituality states it as: “We are as much alive as we keep the earth alive.” The Unitarian statement of the Golden Rule is, “We affirm and promote respect for the independent web of all existence, of which we are a part.” Both of those interpretations seem to emphasize a sense of interconnectedness. And then, there’s the Islamic approach, from the Prophet Mohammad that says, “Not one of you truly believes, until you wish for others, what you wish for yourself,” and that to me, that expresses the important need for unconditional love. And so, I guess I’m asking you if this is why we struggle in our society to interpret the Golden Rule in ways that serve others. Is it because of our diversity?
- Why we struggle to interpret the Golden Rule’s higher values
MONJORONSON: No, it is not because of your diversity; it is because of your unwillingness to accept that you are part of the huge web of humanity, that you are “one being,” and that when one being fights against the whole, it is a sore spot in the body of humanity. Your statement that it requires unconditional love to do this, is difficult for you, as unconditional love is a high level of existence, a high state of being in personality development, which is supported by behaviors which demonstrate that, such as the application of the Golden Rule, to treat other people well, as you would want them to treat you. There are many behaviors which underlie unconditional love. Diversity of belief is a statement that refers to all the religious beliefs, yet there is a desire by individuals to be accepted, to be appreciated, to be recognized, to be made to feel they are worthy and deserving of being a part of humanity, and so individuals enact this on their own, under whichever umbrella of religion that they live.
Vicki: I’m going to set that aside for a minute, Monjoronson; I’ll have to think about those comments. (Monjoronson: Certainly.) How does our lack of connection with the Divine interfere with our ability to consistently apply these codes, such as the Golden Rule?
- Meditation allows guidance from the Divine presence within
MONJORONSON: It makes it far more difficult. That is why all contemplative religions suggest to the followers that they meditate. The time of meditation, of no thought, allows the Divine within each individual to connect with them, and to reinforce those precepts of behavior of thought, that assists them to be “one” with the Divine, and to be in service with others. Without connection to the Divine within, the presence of the Creator within, it is more difficult for the individual. The thoughtfulness of the individual to meditate also allows them to be receptive to the guidance of the presence within them. It is a circuit of sorts, between the individual and the Divine presence within them. They are encircuited, so that one is reinforced, by the presence of God within them, and they are receptive to this. They see, know and feel that presence and are receptive to its guidance. It is of tremendous assistance when people take a time out from their busy-ness in doing things around them, and the busy-ness in their thinking, to be in that space of openness, where spirit, the presence, can talk to them during their daily moments. This is the contemplative way of living, which assists the Divine to express itself through the Golden Rule and other rules of living that assist the individuals to grow.
Vicki: So, it’s our relationship with God that allows us to receive insight, and that assists us in feeling compassion for others, so that we can apply this rule. Is that what you are saying?
The Golden Rule must be applied to one’s self
MONJORONSON: Yes. The recognition of the relationship is the connection that is made by the individual, who then allows time for that to express in their lives. But, it is furthermost important that the individual apply the Golden Rule to themselves. This assists them to grow even further. If they are unable to forgive themselves, if they are unable to treat themselves as they would wish others would treat them, then their Golden Rule is hollow; it is not truly a developed element within them. The application of the Golden Rule to others then, is quite hollow; it is a social expression of obligation of equal treatment, whereas [when] the Golden Rule is applied to one’s self, it is required that the individual sees himself truly as a living son of God, that they are worthy of being treated well, of thinking well of themselves, and of being good to themselves.
How would God treat you?
We are not talking about self-indulgence, or self-narcissism, but we are talking about genuine self-love, to treat one’s self to time off, to be free of having to do things, of even having to have busy thoughts. It is important that the individual begin first to apply this within the relationship as it exists between themselves and God within them. How would God treat them, and this is what they must apply to themselves. Then applying it to others becomes secondary; it becomes truly a response to the God presence within the individual to express itself to others, without social obligation, or as a social, ethical rule.
Vicki: So there’s a reciprocal nature to the Golden Rule—is that correct?
MONJORONSON: Explain, please.
Vicki: Well, it not only involves being of service to others, it also involves being of service to yourself, and in doing so, forms a circle, because you are then in service to God. Correct?
Have a high regard for yourself
MONJORONSON: Yes, you could say that. The Golden Rule is the projection of yourself onto others, and that you see others as yourself. That is why I mentioned just a moment ago that it is important that you have a high self-regard for yourself, that you treat yourself well. If you do not treat yourself well and see yourself worthy of being deserving of equal treatment from others, and good treatment at that, then it is hardly possible for you to be genuine in seeing yourself in others as deserving and worthy of good treatment. You see, in the world of seven billion people, you would have seven billion “others of yourself.” And if you have high self-regard, you know that God loves you, and that you are an agent of God’s love on your world, then you would want to be of service and serve others for your own highest good. This makes serving the other seven billion people a real possibility as a projection of your consciousness of love for the “one” as you are one of seven billion. Yes, there is a reciprocal relationship, but it is in many ways, only between yourself and God first, and then to others secondly.
Vicki: Thank you for that. Is there anything else you would like to comment on, regarding the higher levels of the Golden Rule?
- The essence of who you are
MONJORONSON: No, I believe we have stated it clearly, that this is not done for social image, or for the minimum of good relationships socially, but for the good of yourself and the good of others. It is not a lubricant for the social organization of your world, but as truly the essence of who you are. It is a demonstration of your inner self-worthiness. When once people begin to see this in this light, then they will see the Golden Rule in a much different way.
Vicki: Thank you. Previously, you stated that those of us who are of a spiritual nature, and who wish to have a personal relationship with God, will experience tremendous change in our life. And with that change will come some very disagreeable circumstances and quite a bit of difficulty. I really think that we struggle with change. It seems like it’s almost inherent within us to struggle against it. So I thought maybe we could explore some questions and conversation about change, so that we can better cope with it. Do you have a general statement that you would like to say about change? And how we approach it in our lives?
- It is only because of change that you can grow
MONJORONSON: Yes, certainly. Change is constant. It is the only constant factor in progressive, evolutionary, social life, both in societies and within the individual. When you strive to maintain your life in a stable manner, you are really adhering to the past, and the past is known; the past offers no opportunities for growth, for development, for evolution, for higher achievement. It is only because of change that you can grow. The person who is at ease with change, grows; they must confront each new development with new intelligence, with using the past as a tool box for how to engage their present state of change, to learn more from the present.
- It is important that you have lifetime intentions
It is essential for you to live in this gap of all possibilities, when you see the flux of change in your life, see it as an opportunity for the great outworking of the universe with yourself. That is why it is important that you have lifetime intentions. What is the intention for your life? And then you hold this loosely; you do not try to force it into existence; you do not try to hammer it out into some form and make it happen, but you hold the intention loosely and allow the universe to assist to arrange the happenstance of that right and perfect outworking for that intention. To do that, you must be loose; you must be able to accept change, and see it as opportunity, rather than a circumstance of adversity or havoc.
There are those in the economic markets of the world who make tremendous money from the tragedies in the financial market, simply because they see this as opportunity to reap a reward where there are opportunities. Where some see these as tragedies, others see these as opportunities to expand the growth of their own wealth. This is very similar to life as a whole: When there is change, you see opportunity. The eras of stability simply tell you that this is working; this is working now; be prepared to change in the future, when the circumstances rearrange the blocks of your life, so that there is a different structure to it.
Vicki: Okay, thank you. I have found in my life that when I approach it as an opportunity, it’s better. But I have to say that when change is of a major proportion, it often brings a tremendous sense of loss and grief. And at that time, then you struggle with the loss; you struggle with the emotional pain….
- Your emotional pain is proportional to your attachment to the past.
MONJORONSON: Your emotional pain is proportional to your attachment to the past. If you are speaking about the passage of your husband into the afterlife, that is of a very dear and personal nature. That requires you to leap into a new state of existence of awareness, that this is not all there is in life, that there is more and that these possibilities exist for yourself, for your children and for your relatives, neighbors and friends. That is a fact of your existence. The un-timeliness of it takes you unawares and unprepared, and it is a challenge then for you, with a broken heart, to say, “Now what can I make of this for myself? What can I learn of this to help me bridge this loss into a new existence, a new awareness?”
Surely, this is one of the most challenging factors of change in your life, one that you did not ask for and were unprepared for. Yet, one would not want to live with that uncertainty of loss on a moment-to-moment basis in your life, because that too would keep you so unsteady as to become ungrounded and non-functional in your personal and social life. Your loss is tremendous, and all who are aware of it acknowledge that, and many others have experienced the same thing and even now in these moments, are experiencing that as well. How does one move on to reconstruct their life, without their life partner? This is a challenge that many have to engage, and therefore, you must rely upon the God presence within you, that undying, that unfathomable presence of tremendous largess of love that pours out upon you, and this must be your anchor.
Vicki: Yes. Thank you for that, Monjoronson. It has been a challenge. I also reflect on something you said in the last session, that when we confront difficulties they are hard, but at the same time, we can have, if we pursue it—this wonderful relationship with the Divine, and that, I can attest to. That, I believe, has been what’s held me steady and moved me along. I still struggle with one part of it —one major part of it—and that is that though I seem to plod along and keep myself moving forward, I don’t experience joy. Can you speak to that?
MONJORONSON: Yes, that is due to the loss of part of your self-identity and who you are, without this other person. It is important that young ones, early in life, begin to realize that the ultimate relationship is one with themselves and one with God, and that this is truly ‘one’ relationship. And that this is the primary belief of all their existence, and that the engagement, the sharing of a life with another is an added benefit, and you see this as long-term or temporary. You see that as an addition to your life, something that provides more than there was before. When you have the long-term relationship, where your joy and satisfaction of life is dependent upon the participation of another, then when that loss occurs, then your joy is gone.
- The loss of anticipated joy
We know that it is very difficult for humans to understand this on-going joy of life and living, even in the absence of loved ones. It is particularly, in the case of a long-term relationship, or in the loss of a child, that there is more than loss of the individual that has gone across into the afterlife. There is also the mourning for the awareness of loss of the joy and happiness that you were anticipating into the future. You have made yourself more dependent upon their existence yet for your continued joy. This is normal to have this absence; you are moving through these stages of loss, and so the joy is one of the last stages that you will come to discover, that even though you have suffered this loss you know this tragedy so well, that you nonetheless give thanks and appreciation for their presence in your life during the years that you had that. And, so, you reflect upon that joy and you hold that memory of joy in your mind, and you revel in the fact that you have the opportunity to experience that in relationship with others, again.
The joy of life comes from the wholeness of life, knowing that there is an abundance far past the sum of the parts, that joy is truly the exponential return from those simple summations of numbers, of parts. You begin to appreciate that which is from the Divine within you, that you see this in the world around you, and so you begin to see again, the world and all around you in the equation of the Golden Rule, and so it returns to you many times over as you find joy in other things that are around you. Do not anticipate this to occur overnight, or within a few weeks, or even months; for some it takes some time, but it requires an extension of striving to appreciate joy in that which you see around you, the joy of love that comes to you from the Divine within you, every moment of every day.
Vicki: Thank you, Monjoronson. I can see the relationship to the Golden Rule, because once you replace that empty place in your life with service to others that becomes an avenue for some new joy. It’s hard, though, for many people that experience a loss. I think it’s hard for those that are around someone that is experiencing that loss. It’s been my experience in this society that people don’t know how to react to one who is grieving. And so often, they don’t; they don’t realize that a grieving person is still capable of service and thrives on being able to help others, rather than only being the one that’s being helped. Would you agree with that?
- Supporting another in their grief
MONJORONSON: There are opportunities for others to extend themselves, though they are reticent to do so, as grieving sometimes is a very private affair, and that there can be hostile reactions by those who are grieving, as to reject the gestures of others to be supportive. Nonetheless, it is always helpful for one who is on the outside of grief to say, “How may I support you during your grief and grieving? How may I be of assistance to you, to bring you joy where you have none now?” And sometimes, that is only sitting at a table, saying nothing, as you drink your tea, or sip your coffee, and simply know that there is another there with you, supporting you and sharing in those moments, though they cannot share in the grief in the inside of your emotional realm. One must see themselves in the face of others.
This is again, a reflection of the Golden Rule. The Golden Rule is not for anticipated or expected return from others, but simply as an extension of yourself to fulfill yourself. When the Golden Rule is done selfishly, then it has no purpose, other than an anticipated return, and is hollow and superficial. But when one engages the Golden Rule, even by sitting silently with a friend, who is in grief, you are there with no return anticipated, but giving of yourself to another who has a feeling of loss, and so you help them feel more complete. By saying nothing, by not extending yourself, you leave the person in grief, and they have a social grief as well, because they feel like they are cast out or exiled from their social group because of their loss. It is doubly hurtful when this occurs, and this is something that must be seen in terms of the Golden Rule by those who are on the outside of grief, as an opportunity to extend themselves in loving service. Loving presence is sometimes all that is needed.
Vicki: I can relate to that. Many times, that’s all that was needed.
The higher realm of the Golden Rule brings change
MONJORONSON: Through our discussion, I am wishing that you and those who read this understand that the Golden Rule has far, far, far more to do than the elimination of offensive behavior. Every interaction is an opportunity to grow in service to yourself, by being more accepting of others and extending yourself into their situation, empathically, so that you can be of grateful service to them, where they are grateful for your presence, and you are grateful for the opportunity to be of service. This truly is the root of tremendous spiritual growth in a social environment, on a world as yours. This is a higher value; this is a higher realm of the Golden Rule; this is where your world becomes changed by the work of individuals. This is how the consciousness of a race of people is changed.
Vicki: You’re painting a landscape for us, Monjoronson, where we see how that law applies through our whole life, in every aspect of our life, and I appreciate it.
Roxie: Vicki, I would like to address Monjoronson with a question on this topic.
Vicki: Oh, that would be wonderful, Roxie.
Roxie: Monjoronson, I find it difficult in knowing at what point serving others becomes enabling of their behavior, where they lack the ability to help themselves, or even the desire to help themselves. Can you offer me any guidance in that area?
- When too much help becomes detrimentally enabling
MONJORONSON: Most certainly! And your question is well taken, and it is what you might call an “estranged variation” of the Golden Rule (laughing) taken to the extreme. Your question has many facets of answers in response to it. The first involves the emotional return that one gets from serving others. In enabling others you become responsible for how other people feel, for their satisfaction, for their lives as they exist, for helping them mature, for striving to help keep the equations stable, rather than allowing their situation to destabilize as an opportunity for growth. Enablers strive to have the others be at peace, and oftentimes—and most of the time—this is contrary to the growth of others. You then become responsible for the emotional well-being of others, and I mention ‘well-being’ in a very narrow, narrow sense, in that they are no longer throwing tantrums or are in difficulty emotionally with the situation.
- The emotional energy is always equivalent to the spiritual growth of the individual
This is the complete extreme opposite of the Golden Rule, where you become responsible for another person’s emotional peace and this suffocates their capacity to grow emotionally and spiritually. Remember, dear one, that the emotional energy is always equivalent to the spiritual growth of the individual. When others are prevented from experiencing emotional difficulties and growing through them, then they cannot grow spiritually either.
This barely scratches the surface on enabling behavior. Your literature has much to say about it, as well as some social philosophers, who are not spiritually motivated. The question that must be asked is, “ Am I doing this for my own peace of mind, or for others?” If by doing for others you suffocate them emotionally and you are able to stay at peace yourself, then you are not working for the highest good for them, or for yourself. You are holding yourself back; you are not responsible for the emotional happiness of others.
The enabling relationship does not begin in adulthood; it begins in childhood. The parent is responsible for the care and nurturance of the infant from birth until into childhood. The role of the parent is not always to make the child happy, but to teach a child how to grow through these emotional, traumatic circumstances, so that they can learn how to achieve their own happiness and joy. This is most difficult when the parent herself or himself, does not have these tools either. It is something that they must learn from parenting classes, from parenting coaches, and from an educational environment.
It is also helped by the peace one gets from being in meditation, from being at peace within themselves, to have the maturity to know that they do not have enough knowledge to assist the child in these emotionally difficult situations. They pray about that and they seek spiritual guidance, but as well, they seek the assistance of family counselors, of child psychologists and by reading books of childrearing to assist them to help their child work through these difficult emotional situations.
- The detrimental extremes create injury to the child
On one hand, parents will enable the child to become totally emotionally dependent upon the parent, into adulthood. The other extreme is the extreme of neglect, where the child is in emotional pain and the parent does nothing, and simply walks away. This also creates a tremendous injury in the child, both the child that is neglected and unsupported during these times, is as injured as the individual who is made to become totally emotionally dependant upon the adult parent for their emotional balance. These are dysfunctional and non-functional situations and extremes, and the middle ground is most helped when the individual adult is well prepared, well equipped to be in an emotional relationship with themselves, and help themselves through these difficult situations, and therefore helps their child through the same process.
When you have emotionally immature adults raising infants, you cannot expect to have much different results than what you see in the emotionally immature adult parent. It requires the individual to have the self-awareness that they do not have information, knowledge, or skills enough to raise this child sufficiently well to become emotionally independent, and therefore seek assistance. This is where the God-conscious person has an advantage, in that they pray to God, to their angels and teachers to find resources to assist them in the parenting roles that they have, and be open and receptive to those resources as they come to them. There must also as well be assertiveness on the part of the parent to seek out information to assist them in childrearing through these most difficult situations.
Parenthood is not a new invention, but is well recorded and documented within the last three hundred years, and that most contemporary information is well founded and well grounded and has good advice for the parent, and it is incumbent upon the parent to seek this information, both for the child growth and development and for their own parental peace of mind.
Vicki: So, in the situation of one who is determining whether they’re enabling, or are helping in the right way, it involves quite a bit of thought on the part of the helping party. It involves an ability to help the person requiring the support to see where they need to go for their help, to understand where they are at.
- Social repercussions
MONJORONSON: It is most difficult; it is exacerbated socially and personally, when individuals—the adult—is unaware that they are enabling. They just find themselves in this traumatic, circular, emotional merry-go-round that they cannot get off. It requires self-awareness; it requires an appraisal of self, knowing that they are in a situation that they don’t know how to control, or to manage. When a society is in a situation as that, then you have a spiraling downward population. When there is unawareness on the part of adults, then you will see a spiraling downward of your social, societal, moral and ethical levels, which will continue indefinitely, unless there is a turn-around within that society.
Your nation, your world is in a situation where there is a rising number of individuals who are spiraling upward, for the great benefit of themselves, their neighbors and their children. Their self-awareness [is] that they are inadequate to understand or to manage the situation for the benefit of themselves or others, and they seek assistance. You are talking about the fundamentals of a sustainable society, and a sustainable society begins before birth, as we have said, it begins even before the moment of conception, becomes a part of the thinking of the parents-to-be, the procreative couple, that they will be self-conscious, self-aware as individuals, and as parents, and teach this to their children. This is how a society spirals upward, as it increases its knowledge of itself and its spiritual development and emotional development, which extends itself into the societal levels, that [it] becomes more mature.
The question you raised on enabling goes to the heart for the life and death of a society, dear one. I am glad you have asked this question.
Roxie: Yes, I had that in mind when I asked the question, because this difficulty I see in knowing at what point to help others, and at what point to hold back from enabling them is not just a family situation, but a societal one. And I see that people can get trapped into an attitude of entitlement for someone else to take care of them, if they don’t have the resources to take care of themselves.
MONJORONSON: Yes, it is a sense of entitlement, but also of narcissism, where everyone else is responsible for your well-being, your happiness, and this is a very untenable situation, and socially will lead to the demise of a society and to a family. It is the antithesis of the higher realms of the Golden Rule.
Dear ones, I feel we have expired the extent of what we can do in this session, unless you have further questions, I would like to retire.
Vicki: Thank you, Monjoronson, for this session today. I think that I, as well as some of our audience, will need to read this over a few times, and digest a lot of what you’ve said. Thank you for your presence today.
MONJORONSON: You are most welcome. Good day.
Vicki: Good day.